Friday, 6 January 2012

A new beginning....

today, this beautiful, much loved and once loving woman was transferred to her new 'home'. My brothers and I, along with Dad are happy that she is in a safe and secure environment, when she adjusts to her new surroundings our hope is that she will be as happy as her condition allows her to be, that she will be comfortable and well cared for. The care home we have chosen is, we feel, the best possible. The staff have been wonderful today, two lovely women/nurses staying with her all day to help her adjust, always one of them by her side, talking to her, reassuring, just being there. Calling to reassure me that she was okay a few hours after I left (in tears again) with Dad, telling me that they had taken her for a walk around all four wings to meet the other residents, that she had been talking to the two 'over 100 years' residents with gentle tenderness and patting their hands...
Making sure that she would get her chocolate coated ice cream that she loves so much after dinner each night and after being told that she loves a bit of Cadbury Fruit and Nut chocolate, making a note of it so that they could give her some in the times when she may be agitated or upset. Just the little things that make mine and my brothers guilt a little less.......


We know only too well that we can't look after Mum anymore, the task is well beyond us, she needs tender but firm care, delivered without the tug of emotion, she needs this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks of the year....for the rest of her life.


Today was a new beginning for Mum, for my family and I too, a brand new phase of all our lives, we have to learn to live with visiting her in a home, learn to live with the fact that she will never come home again and finally I have to learn to live with the knowledge that my beloved Mum just doesn't know me at all anymore, that the person that told me off and turned her back on me today is not my Mum, it's a part of this terrible, terrible disease of Alzheimer's/Dementia.



I guess, as guilty as it makes me feel to say it, 2012 is the year I can start to think of me again....


I think I just want to say thank you to all of my blogger friends near and far for the support and love you've sent my way over the last year, to have been able to write down my fears and feelings on this awful journey and to have you send back waves of friendship and support has meant a huge amount...
so once again my friends, thank you for your friendship.....
XXX

36 comments:

Jo in TAS said...

Oh Lizzie I can only imagine what an emotional day it must have been for you and your family but also what a relief for you knowing that she has the care she needs.
Big Hugs
JO

sarapatches said...

Spero che il nuovo anno vi porti tanta serenita',tua mamma sara' sicuramente curata e amata in casa di cura..
"One in love fears no storm,but only the death of love"
Good new beginning..Sara

Jan-Maree said...

Thinking of you Lizzie and hoping that your mum settles in smoothly and quickly.

Julia said...

Thinking of you Lizzie...a sad and emotional day for the family.
Julia

Judith said...

You know in your heart of hearts that this is the best thing for your mother. She will be looked after and although its hard for you all right now it was the right decision for all concerned. Give yourselves time to come to terms with it all. You are in my thoughts

susis quilts said...

dear lizzie,i know,how you must feel,but i had my grandmother,who had alzheimer ,too,and did not know me anymore in such a place near by,and visited her for eight years,when she died she was 94 years old.take care,susi

simplestitches said...

big hugs being sent your way...

Anne-Lise at Rag, Tag, Bobtail said...

Dear Lizzie, I hope you all adjust quickly to this change. Your mum is in a safe place where she is looked after. Now you must look after yourself, too. Hugs!

Sew Create It - Jane said...

Oh my heart goes out to you and your family during this time of transition. It is clear that you all love her very much and have taken the time and research needed to find her the best possible care to ensure the safety of your Mom.
The cruelty of the disease is the long grieving process for the woman that once was and that like any kind of grieving is difficult. (((hugs)))

Margaret said...

It's such a hard thing to do, but it's so right for you mother now, and for you all as well. I hope the adjustment goes well for everyone, including you. I'll be thinking of you and your family, and your mom.

Kaisievic said...

Hi Lizzie, what a hard thing for you to do. I know, my DMIL had dementia and it was really difficult for my FIL and DH to make the decision to put her in a home but they had no choice. It is the right thing for you and for your mother and your family. And it sounds as if you have chosen the best possible care for her. All my thoughts and prayers are going out to you.

Hugs, Kaye xoxox

http://kittenstitching.blogspot.com

Judith said...

Hi, i just read your story and I sure feel for you. i know out of my own experience that these things are so hard to fully accept. i just feel your guild, but also read THE acceptance. i never fully adjusted to THE new situation, my mom died after having lived in THE nursing home for 7 month 's. She was suffering from lungcancer, was angry at first that I had put her there, but after à few weeks she had settled in and was doing ok. I just want to wish you all THE best, just Remember that you are doing this out of love!!!!
Take care, and please do take your you time! It is much needed and you only know how much you time is needed!

Bye for now,

Lynne said...

Oh, Lizzie, I can imagine that this must have been a very traumatic day for you, your brothers and especially your dad. I watched my grandmother (who lived with my parents) deteriorate with Alzheimer's, so I know a little of what you are going through. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Maree: said...

Nursing in Aged Care I know what you are going through...
Your Visits will get easier for you..I'm sure your Mum will settle in quite well..
Take some Time Out Now..
xx

baukje said...

Oh Lizzie, I sit here with tears in my eyes, reading this emotional post. Hope you are a bit better. Hugs from France.
Baukje
xxxx

Cheri said...

Lizzie, this is such a horrible disease. Feel better knowing you and your family have made her as safe and secure as you can, you are a wonderful daughter. It is so evident by your posts that you are a very loving family and in my heart I know this matters and somehow gets thru to the loved ones with this disease.

I'm gonna tell Mom! said...

Oh, Lizzie. Life is just so Hard sometimes. All shall be well. Be good to yourself now....
kim

Denice Barker said...

God bless.

Marls said...

Sending warm hugs.

~Laurie~ said...

I believe one day you and she will be re-united in all the glory of your beautiful relationship :) Until then, I'm sending prayers that you and your family will have the strength you need to bear this burden. You've done the right thing - your Mum is safe and clean and loved.

Kim said...

My heart goes out to you, Lizzie. My family lived through much the same scenario with my grandmother. All that happens, all that must be done along the way is simply heart wrenching. It is true that your family has done well for your mom, I suppose knowing this doesn't lesson the pain enough but it is something to hold on to when you replay all that has come before this day. You can know without doubt that the best care has been taken to keep your mom safe and well cared for. She may not know who you are by face, but her heart still knows you through your beautiful voice as well as your gentle and loving touch.

Francien said...

You know you and your brothers did the right thing Lizzie.....there is nothing else you can do really...i have bin there with my mum too....took here in to our house for a while but that was no solution.....she kept running away and we searched her for hours.....it was torture for her and for us...my brother and i decided that she needed professional help and the doctors said it had to be a closed home....when we brought her there she told me that she hated me for "playing"her daughter .....after just a few weeks in her new home she died...i was in shock...felt guilty..needed reassurance that we did the right thing from my brother and the doctors untill they could not take it any more and i had to pull myself together....so love her as much as you can even though she tinks you are someone from the staff...you know who she is and that she onces loved you very much....take care stay strong ...be thinking of you!....greetings Francien.

Vicki ♥ said...

Lots of hugs and prayers to you Lizzie. I can only imagine how it all must feel and I am tearing up here thinking about it all. Hugs Vicki x

paddysdaughter said...

Lizzie, I feel for you and your family, having done the same thing a few years ago, when my Ma needed care in a secure dementia unit. It was the hardest and most kind thing to do. It sounds like the home will take the best loving care possible.

Julie said...

Oh Lizzie, shedding a little year too in memory of my Grandparents. One of your hardest days I imagine. She so lucky to have such a loving family. Take care. xxx

Margaret said...

On days like these mempries are what we hang on to the beautuful person who we knew. There will bw times that she will remember you, they come out of the blue. I had to put my aunt in a nursing home in Seymour, the drive up from Geelong only to talk with someone who didn't know me was, daunting then out of the blue one day , while I was there she told the nurse, that I looked after her before she came here. She said I was her sister's daughter and she was the only one left in the family. Amazing truly amazing.

Fiona said...

Sending you a big hug sweetie - I know how hard it has been for you XXX Fee

merrily row said...

The day I realized my Mom had the same smile/reaction when I walked in the room or someone gave her a piece of cake broke my heart. But I just remembered all the times she greeted me with joy.

It will get easier and you will remember the good times and have trouble remembering the bad. She has been gone 12 years and there were no bad times.

My prayers to you and yours.

Lorraine said...

Lizzie
I just saw your blog ...it is always hardest for the ones who walk away and leave a loved one behind ...I to did this for my Dad ...a very special man .... As it turned out I actually learned a lot about his life ....when I visited him each day I would find out where he was in his life and ask questions .... I was one of the lucky ones in that he could still answer them .... Big hug to you and your family .... It is hard but you have each other to share the load
Lorraine
From Blueys Beach NSW

Bronwyn said...

My heart is reaching out to you - take care of yourself. You are special to us too.

Kali said...

Such a sad and difficult time for you Lizzie and I really feel for you. You are right though, now is the time to begin to look after you.

taylorsoutback said...

Adding my own prayers and wishes for this New Year and new direction.

Take your time - each day will unroll as it should and you will learn how to greet it.

grandmarockton said...

God bless you and your family, this will get better and Mom is where she should be! Take care of yourself because MOM'S getting cared for I know this is hard!

Robin Hill Quilts~Eileen G. said...

Life is hard Lizzie~we have so much fun and joy in our lives but it is so hard sometimes~What a huge decision but what a good one~because now that she is safe you can simply love her....♥ Thanks for visiting today~E

Leanne said...

It will get easier to visit and leave. I expect you are also worried about your dad but his health will improve, without the stress of caring for your mum 24 hours a day. Sending hugs to you.

Chookyblue...... said...

catching up on comments here......
all the best for your Mum in her new stage of life.......you can only manage for so long.........many more adjustments for you but now she will be safe and well cared for.........

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